Random Game of Doom
by BigHair
Summary: Nothing but random. After a game falls out of the sky and onto Naruto's head everyone plays it. But they will soon learn that the random effects of the game will become their downfall when random & embarrassing things happen to them. better summary inside
1. headaches

hey ya'll! and yet another random story! YAY RANDOM!!!!!!! cough. yes i love random very much. in fact i'm jealous of this one chick on fanfiction cuz her pen name is randomlass. when i saw her name i was like, "DAGBURNIT!! why couldn't i think of that cool name first?!" but oh well. i'm known to everyone, especially my friends, as BigHair!! except right now, at the moment i'm known to my friend zach as Charlie!! don't ask. cuz i'm gonna tell you anyway! if you've seen my profile you'd know that i'm talking about Charlie the unicorn. it's a video on youtube and it is so freakin' retardedly funny!! but we call him Charlie the EMO unicorn. cuz he's all emo compared to the other two retarded unicorns, who by the way is pink and BLUE!!!! I'M TELLIN YA, IT'S BLUE FOR GOSH DURN'S SAKE!!!! cough. sorry. me and zach have different computers so the unicorn shows up as blue on mine and it shows up as purple on zach's and we've been arguing about that for like a week. so...yeah. enjoy the randomness!!!

_summary: Team 7, Kakashi, Tsunade, and Gaara's team find a random board game after it randomly falls out of the sky and onto Naruto's head. Out of sheer boredom, they all decide to play it. But as they soon discover, it will randomly become their random downfall when random, embarrassing and disturbing things happen to them. Mostly random. So to reverse the effects of the game, they must win it. And they better win fast. If they don't find some random way to win by midnight, the random effects will remain permanent. Randomly. love that word! oh yeah. just so no one has to ask me, everyone is thirteen. except the grown ups. and there may be some pairings. the usual of course. that's the only thing that won't be random! hate random couples!! and some characters may be a little OOC. _

disclaimer: i don't own naruto, but i own all the randomness in the world!!!! or maybe just the randomness of the game...

**chapter 1: headaches from the beauty heavens above**

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura were waiting impatiently at the bridge for Kakashi to show up to tell them their mission for today. As usual, he was about three to five hours later than he should've been.

"Gah!! Where is he?!" Naruto shouted angrily. "We've been waiting for hours!!"

"So? You outta be used to it by now." Sasuke said a little more calmly.

Suddenly a poof of smoke appeared before them and out came Kakashi.

"Yo! Sorry I'm late. I got lost on the path of--"

"Liar!" Sakura and Naruto shouted as they pointed accusing fingers at him.

"So what's the mission today?" Sasuke asked, ignoring the fact that Kakashi was late, as usual.

"Actually," Kakashi said as he sheepishly massaged the nape of his neck. "You guys don't have a mission today; I forgot to tell you yesterday. Ehehehehe...sorry."

"WHAT?!" all three genin screamed. (A/N: yes, even sasuke. hey, he has emotions too!)

"So what are we supposed to do now?" Sakura asked.

"Who knows?" said Naruto. "We wasted the whole day away--OW!!" Something that fell from the sky landed on Naruto's head and caused him fall to the ground with a massive bump. Everyone circled around him to see what caused his random injury.

"Naruto, are you alright?" Sakura asked him. Naruto sat up with swirls in his eyes as he gingerly massaged the bump on his head.

"Guhh...What happened?" he said.

"That's what we'd like to know, dobe." Sasuke said rather impatiently.

Sakura looked over and saw a rectangular figure beside Naruto. Kakashi noticed it too.

"Hey...What's this?" she said as she went over to it and carefully picked it up to examine it.

Kakashi and Sasuke looked over her shoulder to see what she was talking about.

"It looks like a board game." Kakashi said thoughtfully.

Sasuke reached over Sakura's shoulder and ran his index finger over the title as he sounded it out.

" 'Random Doom.' " he said. "Wow, that's random."

"Lemme see! Lemme see!" Naruto shouted as he jumped up between Sakura and the game. He took the game from her hands and examined it closely.

"Hmm..." he murmured. "COOL!!!! God sent us a game!! Let's play it!!" he suddenly shouted.

"Naruto, I'm not so sure that's a good idea." Kakashi said in a cautionous voice.

"Why not?! It's just a game that God sent us! It must be a sign!! And we got nothing else to do!!"

"Naruto--"

_"Please!!!!" _

Kakashi thought carefully for a moment before deciding.

"Alright. How many players?"

_"YES!!!" _Naruto shouted excitedly. "Let's go find more players!!" Then he ran off into the village.

"Why do I get the random feeling that this is gonna turn out horriblely wrong?" said Sakura with a slightly worried tone.

-

"GRANDMA TSUNADE!!! GRANDMA TSUNADE!!!" Naruto screamed with excitement as he burst through the door of the fifth Hokage's office which fell to the ground with a loud thud.

"HEY!! What's your problem you idiot?!?! I just had that door fixed!!" Tsunade yelled in anger.

Naruto ran over to her desk where she was sitting with the game over his head.

"Look! Look! Look!" he shouted like a little kid and a broken record. "It's a game Grandma Tsunade! From Heaven!!Wanna play?"

Tsunade gave him a blank stare for a minute before shouting:

"YOU BROKE MY DOOR DOWN JUST TO SHOW ME A STUPID GAME?!?!"

"Uh-huh!" Naruto said as he nodded his head like a small child. "So you wanna play?"

"If it keeps me from doing any work, then yeah. Sure."

"Yay! Now let's go find Gaara!!"

-

"Where is that thing?" Temari murmured to herself. "Gaara!! Did you take my eyeliner again?!" she called.

"Uh...err, no." Gaara called back.

"HUH?! Naruto? What are you--" the loud noise of a door being burst open from another room interrupted Kankuro's sentence.

"Hey! Hey! Gaara! Check this out!!" Naruto came running into the living room and in front of the chair that Gaara was sitting in. Gaara wasn't really paying attention so Naruto ripped the newspaper from his hands and shoved the rectanguler box in his face.

"What's this?" he asked the hyperactive blonde.

"It's a game that fell from the beauty heavens! God sent it to us! Wanna play?"

"A board game from Heaven? Yeah, right. How hard did that box hit your head?" Temari scoffed in a sarcastic tone.

"I'm serious! Doesn't it look fun at least? Me, Sasuke-teme, Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei, and Grandma Tsunade are all playing! Why don't you guys join us?!" Naruto encouraged eagerly.

"It _does _sound like fun." Kankuro said.

Temari and Gaara thought for a second.

"Whaddya say Gaara?"

"Sure. Why not?"

-

Naruto came up to the bridge where the others were with Gaara and his siblings behind him.

"Alright!! Let's play!!" Naruto shouted eagerly.

"Fine, just be quiet!" Sakura yelled in annoyance as she pressed her hands against her ears.

"Kay. Where should we play it?" Kakashi asked.

"Hmm..." Naruto thought. "How bout my place?"

"NO!!!" Everyone shouted in Naruto's ear, causing him to go temporarly deaf.

After several minutes of thinking, pointless arguing and random comments, they decided to play the game at the Uchiha manor.

-

Naruto set the box on the table and paused for dramatic affect. He slowly reached his hand out towards the box, ran his fingertips along the smooth edge of cardboard, slowly raised it up--

"Would you just hurry up?!" Sakura shouted impatiently.

"Okay! Okay! Just no more hitting!! Please!!" said Naruto with anime tears running from his deep-blue eyes and down his whiskered face.

Immediately he lifted the top. All eight ninja peered inside curiously and thought that the game looked like nothing special. Well, except Naruto.

"WHOA!! It looks like Jumanji!!! Bet 100 yen that one of us gets sucked into a jungle for the next 25 years!!"

Sasuke whacked him over the head. "You dobe. It looks nothing like Jumanji. Except for the black sphere in the middle, but that's it."

He was right; it had a dark black sphere in the middle of the board with different little paths leading to it. It also had exactly eight different pieces in the forms of animals: a fox, wolf, dog, raven, cheetah, panda, tiger, and a lion. Everyone shot glances to one another and immediately snatched up the coolest pieces before the other could. Naruto had the fox, Sakura had the wolf, Kakashi the dog, Sasuke the raven, Tsunade the lion, Temari the cheetah, Kankuro the tiger, and Gaara the panda. He glared daggers through it in annoyance and anger as everybody else snickered at him. (A/N: yes, even sasuke. i told you he has emotions!!)

"Aww! Gaara-kun! It looks like you!" Temari squealed in delight.

"If you weren't my sister you'd already be dead." Gaara said coldly.

At the sound of this, Temari twitched with slight fear.

"Okay! Enough of this! Let's play! Dattebayo!!"

TBC...

i'm gonna stop here for now. stay tuned to see what random crap happens to them!!! and remember: random is good! random is our friend!!! WHEEEEE!!!!!!!! plz review!


	2. WHAT THE!

hello again!! sorry i haven't updated in a while!! which brings me to my next point: i hate school. a lot. grr... anyhoo... here is the next chapter!! WHEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cough.

disclaimer: i don't own naruto. simple as that.

**chapter 2: WHAT THA--?!?!!**

Before anyone could react to Naruto's outburst, he rolled the dice. Everyone watched as the tiny dotted cubes landed on the number ten. But when he started to move his fox game piece, everyone stared in shock when it started to move on its own. (A/N: yes, EVEN SASUKE!!!)

"Do _you_ see what _I _see?!" Sakura whispered to Temari.

"I'm seein' but I'm not _believin'!!" _she exclaimed in disbelief.

Suddenly a light green fog appeared inside the black circle in the middle of the board and started to spell random words. All players crowded around it to see what it said.

"Uh, what's it say?" Kankuro asked and Naruto answered for him.

_"Your humiliating secrets will come out sooner than you think..." _

"..."

"WHAT?"

"That was really random... what's it mean?" Sasuke asked.

"Hmm...I think it means that Naruto has been _hiding something _from us." Kakashi replied suspiciously as Naruto glanced around nervously.

"Wha-wha-wha-what s-s-secrets? I-I-I don't have a-any secrets!" he stammered. "Except for the fact that I masturbate whenever I see a bra magazine. DOH!"

All mouths dropped to the floor. (A/N: need i say it?)

"Naruto..." Sakura started. "Just when I thought you couldn't get anymore disgusting, BAM! You kick it up a notch!"

"Um, yeah that was completely disgusting and mentally scaring." Gaara said as he cringed slightly.

Naruto turned crimson. "You guys weren't supposed to know that! And it's like whatever secret I think about I blurt out! Like how I have a major crush on Sakura but sometimes at night I dream about making mad, passionate love to Sasuke!"

"..."

"There goes another notch." Sakura murmured in disgust.

Sasuke suddenly got up from his seat.

"Excuse me for just a minute." he said calmly as he walked into the next room. A few seconds later everyone heard:

"OH MY GAWD!!! I'M LIVING IN HELL!!!" followed by a gagging sound.

A few seconds later he walked back in and took his place between Sakura and Kakashi.

"Kay, so whose turn is it?" he asked calmly as if he didn't shout loud enough for all of Switerland to hear.

"Uh, Kankuro's." Tsunade answered in a taken back voice as a result of Sasuke's out-of-character-ness.

"All right!" Kankuro exclaimed as he took the dice from Naruto. He rolled and landed on eight as the fog reappeared in the black sphere again:

_"You will become what you love the most." _he read.

"Awsome! That sounds pretty cool!" he said. But suddenly everyone stared at him with horrified and disbelieving expressions. (A/N: i don't have to say it. but yeah. even sasuke.)

"Uh, what is it?" Kankuro asked confusingly.

Temari and Gaara, being the ones who he was related to, each took an arm and dragged him to a hallway mirror. What Kankuro saw probably changed his life, and ruined his reputation, forever. He had long, slender legs, a curved figure and..._boobs?_

"Oh my gawd!! I'VE GOT A CHICK'S BODY!!!" Suddenly Temari and Sakura slapped the back of his head with closed fists.

" 'Become what you love the most' huh?! You pervert!" Sakura shouted.

"Oh, and Naruto's not?!" Kankuro shouted back. "Cmon! I'm a guy with raging hormones!! We _all _are! Even Sasuke!!"

Everyone turned to Sasuke.

"I have no comment." he said cooly.

"Okay, now _this _is getting _weird!" _Tsunade exclaimed. "Maybe we should stop playing."

"I'm with Tsunade. This is got to be some sort of genjutsu." Kakashi chimed in.

"How can _this _be genjutsu?!" Kankuro exclaimed as he poked one of his...(snicker) _boobs. _(A/N: sorry! but i'm laughing my head off right now just writing this! hahahahahahahaha!!)

"Stop that!" Temari yelled as her elbow came in hard contact with his head.

"Well, maybe we only _think _that we're seeing...what we're seeing." Gaara said uncomfortabley as he caught an unexpected glance at his brother's new body. "That's the whole point of genjutsu, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but what about my secrets?? You guys know that I'd never tell anyone my secrets on purpose!!" Naruto exclaimed.

"The perverted imp has a point." Sakura said. "And I know my genjutsu. There's no illusion here."

"Then what the heck's going on?!" Kankuro shouted.

"Didn't anyone read the directions?" said Tsunade as she peered at the mysterious box suspiciously.

"Uhh..." Everyone said in unison.

Kakashi picked up the box and read the writing inside. After a few seconds, his eyes widened in shock and disbelief.

"Guys," he said in a worried tone. "It's not genjutsu, it's REAL!!"

_"REAL?!?!?!?" _Everyone screamed at the same time.

TBC...

sorry that this chapter is so short!! i'll try to write longer in the next chappie!! and by the way, if you have any suggestions for what you want to happen to some of the characters in this story, then pleez tell me!! i need some ideas so i can write the next chappy!! and sorry for my retarded actions with the whole _boob _thing. i just thought it was funny that a guy like kankuro randomly and unexpectedly got a girl's body!! anyhoo...i'll try to update soon! if school doesn't hold me back like it usually does. grr...


	3. so the randomness begins

hello-ello-ello...i love echos. and i also love random stuff!! WHEEEE!!!!

(naruto) hey!

(me) don't "hey" me! you're late!

(naruto) i'm sorry master! please don't beat me with a bo-staff!!!

(me) "sorry"?! you're the reason i haven't updated in forever! i've been waiting for you!!

(naruto) no! not the rusty chainsaw!! anything but that!!

(me) oh pull yourself together. you know i never use that thing.

(naruto) oh. okay

(me) whatever, just get this over with.

(naruto) okay! big hair doesn't own me! YAY!! I'M FREE!!

(me) but you know that kishimoto-sempei still owns you.

(naruto) ...

(me) uhh...-reaches out to touch his shoulder-

(naruto) NNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

(me) okay, he's fine people. show's over. nothin to see here. just read the chappie and review please! -

WARNING: this chapter contains mild yuri...don't worry, nothin major 

**chapter 3: so the randomness begins...**

"Wha-wha-whaddaya mean 'REAL'?!?!?!" Sakura stammered nervously.

"I'm afraid so." Kakashi replied grimly. "It says, _'WARNING: DON'T PLAY IF YOU DON'T LIKE BEING EMBARRASSED BY RANDOM HUMILIATION TOWARDS YOUR SELF-ESTEEM. THIS INCLUDES SECRETS, FEELINGS, CHANGE OF APPEARANCE, OR ESPECIALLY, OUT-OF-CHARACTER-NESS. AND THIS IS NOT GENJUTSU. IT IS REAL. I LIKE PIE.' " _

"Maybe if we read it before, we would've had seconds thoughts about playing it!" Naruto shouted as anime tears poured out of his eyes.

"Yeah, no der Captain Obvious!" Kankuro yelled out of irritation.

"Wait, there's more." Kakashi added suddenly.

"Oh, why must there be more?!" Naruto yelled.

_" 'ANOTHER WARNING: IF YOU START PLAYING THE GAME YOU MUST COMPLETE IT OR ELSE THE RANDOM EFFECTS OF THE GAME WILL REMAIN PERMANENT UNLESS YOU WIN BY MIDNIGHT. BANANA MUFFIN.' " _he read.

"Banana muffin?" Sakura repeated confusingly as she scratched her head.

Everyone glanced at each other; they knew that they had no choice but to not only finish the game, but win it. And realizing this, they all sharply turned their heads to glare at Naruto.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"This is all _your _fault!" said Sakura as she pointed an accusing finger at the blonde ninja. "If you hadn't carried on about that game, we wouldn't be playing it!"

"No sense in getting all worked up about it," Sasuke chimed in. "We don't have any other choice anyway, so whose turn is it?"

Everyone slowly shifted their gaze toward Temari, who in turn gave them a nervous look as she whimpered frightfully.

"Don't be scared. Just roll the dice so we can get this over with." Tsunade demanded.

"O-okay." she stammered. Slowly with a shaking hand she picked up the dice and let them roll carelessly off her fingers. They all watched cautiously as it landed on the number twelve and the green words gradually appeared.

_"You'll experience something similar to a gender change." _she read.

"A gender change??" Tsunade, Kakashi, Naruto, and Kankuro echoed confusingly as if the words were entirely new to them.

"I dunno." said Temari. "Your guess is as good as mine."

But suddenly the confused look in her dark green eyes faded and turned into a somewhat..._seductive _gleam when she saw Sakura. And started _staring_ at her with a mischievous smile.

"Uh, Temari?" Sakura murmured to the girl sitting beside her. "What is it?"

"Ohh...it's nothing..._Sakura-chan..." _she whispered seductively as she leaned towards Sakura.

Sakura was starting to get a little creeped out at the fact that Temari just called her "Sakura-chan" and even more so at the way she said it. She started to scoot back away from her, but Temari kept inching towards the rosette haired kunoichi.

"Aww...What's wrong Sakura-chan? Don't run away from me." purred Temari in her silky voice.

"Temari, what are you doing?" Gaara asked in a somewhat annoyed tone. But he and everybody else were just as confused as Sakura was.

"Yeah, you're kinda freaking me out." Sakura added. "I mean, you're just messing with us...right?"

Temari kept scooting closer until she backed Sakura against the wall to where she couldn't move. She moved her face closer to Sakura's until they were inches apart and was hovering over her.

"Temari?! What are you doing?!" Sakura exclaimed nervously, her jade eyes wide as saucers. Everybody stared in shock and interest. (A/N: perverts. even sasuke)

_"Ooh, Sakura-chan," _she purred in a seductive tone as she reached a hand out and stroked Sakura's hair. _"Your hair is so silky and beautiful...what conditioner do you use?" _

"Umm, Temari, I don't _swing _that way." Sakura assured the blonde as she waved her hand in front of her.

"You dirty little liar!" Temari giggled. Then without warning, Temari raised her hand and gently grabbed Sakura's left breast and roughly pressed her lips against her's. Because of this sudden action, Sakura gasped which allowed Temari to slip her tongue down her throat.

"WHOA!!!!!!!!!" Everyone, especially Naruto, screamed at the top of their lungs.

Sakura struggled as she lay flat on the ground with Temari completely on top of her. She kicked and tried to push her off but it came to no avail. Temari reached with her other hand and started to unzip Sakura's red shirt while her other hand slid off her breast and tugged on her shorts.

"OH MY GOD!! I'M WATCHING A YURI!!!" Naruto shouted as he laughed uncontrollably. Until Tsunade clamped her hands over his eyes.

"Whoo-hoo!! Go Temari!!" Kankuro cheered. (pervert)

"Okay, okay! This has gone on long enough!" Tsunade shouted as she went over to the two girls and pried Temari off Sakura. The rosette haired girl sat up gasping for breath, unaware that her shirt had slid off her shoulders and was completely exposed for Sasuke to get an eyefull. Everyone else was paying attention to Temari, the new lesbo, trying their best to fathom on what just happened.

Sasuke flushed crimson at the sight of Sakura's black, strapless bra with a fishnet midrift attached. He honestly didn't have any idea that under all those ninja clothes she had an..._awesome _body. And a nice chest. Sakura looked over and noticed the crimson Sasuke staring at her. That's when she realized that she was exposed.

"Ahh!" she squealed in embarrassment as she wrapped her arms around her.

"Uh, s-sorry.." Sasuke apologized in an equally embarrassed voice as he turned away.

"Uhh...i-it's all right..." she stammered.

After she zipped her shirt up, Sakura went back over towards the others to sit down. Looking over at her original seat next to Temari, she decided it'd be best to sit on the opposite side of the circle, which happened to be next to Sasuke. (typical) And since she was no longer sitting next to Temari, it automatically became Gaara's turn. Without hesitation or nervousness, he took the dice in hand and rolled them on the board and landed on three. His little panda figure moved that number of spaces and he dryly read the following:

_"You who have no heart, oh heartless boy, shall soon have a change of heart." _

"Wow, it said 'heart' like, three times in the same sentence." Naruto randomly piped up.

"Don't cha just hate that?" Temari said. _"Huh, Sakura-chan?" _she purred.

"Stop talking like that!" Sakura yelled. She was getting irritated with all this lesbo nonsense. "And yeah, I _do _hate that. Like the time Tsunade-sama gave me and Ino-pig that sex-ed class and she said 'sex' five times in every sentence." she said before she started to mimick Tsuande.

" 'Sexual transmitted diseases can be caused by protected sex, unprotected sex, and _oral _sex so don't have sex or you'll get pregnant and die!' "

"Okay! We get it!" Tsunade yelled angrily. "And besides, that class was for your own good." she murmured.

"Did you just call me a slut?!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Guys, guys. Where's the love?" Everyone turned to see that to their horror, Gaara had a big, friendly smile plastered on his face. Now THAT was scary. (just when you thought he couldn't get any scarier) Every pair of eyes in the room, excluding Gaara's, widened in utter shock.

"G-Gaara? Are you...okay?" Naruto asked.

"Never better!" the red headed kazekage replied cheerfully. "In fact, I feel so good that I'm gonna go out and save the whales!"

"WTF?!"

"Gaara, since when do you care about anything?! _Especially _whales?!" Kankuro shouted.

"Since the day I decided that I was gonna turn over a new leaf and protect the earth from global warming instead of terrorizing it!" Gaara said happily.

"You mean a few seconds ago?" Sasuke asked.

"YEP!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Great," Kankuro sobbed. "My sister's a lesbo and my demonic brother is a tree-hugger!"

"Not to mention that you've got a girl's body." Naruto pointed out as he smiled, forcing back a laugh.

"WWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYY?!?!" Kankuro screamed at the sky.

"Would you shut up?" Kakashi demanded harshly as he rubbed his temples. All this noise was giving him a migrain.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door...

TBC...

hey guys, i'm really sorry that i took forever to update! here are the reasons why i hadn't updated sooner...

(takes out long list that rolls all the way to China)

lessee...there's school, softball, my laptop screwing up, other stories, yada, yada...just a bunch of crappy reasons that i wouldn't wanna bore you with. mainly because i didn't stick to my policy that i wouldn't start another story until i was finished with the one i was working on. i'm working on another story right now that's called "Fervant" and for those of you who don't know what the word "fervant" means, it's full of emotion or passion. yes, i know i misspelled it but i have a reason for that! but the only way to find out is to read it! course, i'm only gonna post my misspelling methods in the last chapter of that story so you'll have to wait! wait, read, and review plz! - anyhoo, i'll try to update soon! plz send me some suggestions in your reviews! i need some! bye-byez for now! n.n


	4. cookie dough

sup meh peeps! glad u like my story! XD random is so funny! and if ya'll are interested in funny random stuff as much as i am, then there's this super hilarious video on youtube that my friend zak made! it's called "95 seconds-episode one" basically, it's 95 seconds of pure random nonsense! XP so when u go on youtube be sure to type in "braidtv" cuz that's his youtube name and all his videos will show up. it's so funny! and if there is a girl wearing a black shirt doing a head-bang, then you've got the right video cuz that girl is none other than me! XD anyhoo, hope u enjoy! whether it's the story, video or both! 

and i just recieved some important news! there's now a "95 seconds episode 2!" yayz! XD ack! i saw the video already and i'm embarrased. there's a part where i'm sitting there saying, "there shall be no 'tapping' until after marriage" (that's my own original phrase!) and zak said that he couldn't hear my voice on the video so he had to put his voice in there so it'd be louder, but now my voice sounds like his! XD 

disclaimer: i don't own naruto or 95 seconds. they belong to kishimoto and meh friend zak:) 

btw, i know in the first chapter i said that they were like thirteen, but i changed my mind. they are fifteen. i like it better when they're fifteen. so nyah! XP

**chapter 4: a package of cookie dough for the furry little beast**

_recap: Suddenly there was a knock at the door..._

"Who's that?" Naruto asked, referring to the sudden knock, as he lifted his blonde head towards the door. 

Gaara's pale blue eyes sparkled with excitement as he jumped from his seat and squealed with glee like a high school girl, which in turn made Naruto fall over in shock, promptly hyperventilating. Was Gaara on crack or something? The rust-colored haired teen ran to the door and flung it open to reveal a postman with a small package. 

"Package for a 'Gaara'?" he asked as he eyed the boy in front of him. 

"That's me!" he replied cheerfully. He hastily snatched the package from the man's hands and slammed the door in his face. He turned back to the other's squealing, 

"IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S FINALLY HERE!" 

All jaws that didn't belong to Gaara immediately fell to the floor with a loud thud. (A/N: even sasuke..) Was this really Gaara? 

"Wha...What is it?" Kankuro managed to choke out. 

"It's my cookie dough! I'm gonna go out today and give cookie dough samples to little orphans and homeless people!" 

"When did you order a package of cookie dough?" Sasuke asked, more confused than ever. 

"Forget the cookie dough!" Kakashi yelled impatiently. 

"But it's white-chocolate macedamian..." Gaara whined. 

"I couldn't care less if it was pickled sausage! Just hand me the dice; I'm ready to get this game over with..." 

Naruto did what he was told and handed him the dice, which then Kakashi rolled and landed on nine. 

_"You will be re-visited by your childhood nightmare..."_

Team seven looked at their respected squad leader in wonder. 

"Childhood nightmare, sensei?" Sakura asked curiously. 

"..." Kakashi didn't say anything; he just sat there frozen like a statue. Prehaps frozen in fear. But he suddenly twitched violently when a loud crash was heard in the kitchen.

"No...impossible..." he murmured. 

The strange, onimous noises grew louder and louder still, as if coming closer to the kitchen door that led into the living room. Everyone immediately stood up and got into fighting position, ready for whatever evil being lied beyond that door. But the noises had abruptly stopped and they were all saturated in deadly silence. Nothing could be heard but the loud pounding of their hearts and the small trickle of sweat beads from anticipation, rolling off their foreheads and down to the hardwood floor with a small _plip. _

The next sound they heard made their hearts stop. The loud and very long creak of the kitchen door slowly opening. 

Then out came from the other side was the creature that was the cause of their anticipation. It was unbelievable. It was undescribable. It was...

"ADORABLE!" Gaara, Sakura and Temari squealed. 

Sitting upright on its haunches, looking up at the group and tilting its small furry head in confusion, sat a squirrel. 

"WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWA------Y!" Kakashi screamed in a high pitched voice like a frightened little girl as he jumped in Tsunade's arms. 

"What the crap are you doing Kakashi!" Tsunade yelled as she dropped the screaming sensei on the floor. 

"Yeah Kakashi-sensei. It's just a measley little rat." Naruto said as he rested his hands behind his head. 

Hearing this, the squirrel's dark beady eyes glowed bright red and growled menacingly at the group. It started foaming at the mouth and it's hair bristled on it's back. Suddenly it stood up like a person would, pointed a claw at the ninja and squeaked a loud, terrifying battle cry. 

"RAWRRR! WORLD DOMINATION!" 

Then over ten thousand squirrels burst from the kitchen door and started to attack the poor unsuspecting group. 

"GO MY MINIONS! ATTACK!"

"OH MY GOD!" the group screamed. (A/N: yes, yes! even sasuke..)

Without hesitation, all eight burst out of the Uchiha complex and ran into the nearest woods. Which was pretty retarded cuz squirrels live in the freakin woods so it would be their upmost advantage. (A/N: "Their" as in squirrels) Soon the group found refuge inside an abandoned wolf den, which seemed to fit perfectly for what was to happen later to one certain kunoichi...

"Kakashi-sensei..." Sakura said quietly. "WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED!" she screamed. 

"Well there's a funny story actually..." he replied sheepishly. "To some at least." he continued darkly. Everyone crowded around him to listen. (A/N: yep. even sasuke) "When I was ten years old, I had a dream. A dream to one day go to community college. But NO! My mom decided to send me to _summer camp!_ Where I had to constantly avoid swimming in the sewage water otherwise known as 'the lake', share my cabin with a monkey, and was viciously attacked everyday by giant, monsterous, rabid squirrels!" 

_random flashback..._

_(ten-year-old Kakashi in the woods, backing away from angry squirrels as he flails around a foot-long stick)_

_"No...stay back! Get away from me!" _

_end flashback_

"Giant squirrels huh?" said Tsunade. "They didn't seem so giant to me."

"W-Well, they were bigger then." Kakashi retorted. 

"You sure you weren't just _smaller_?" the fifth hokage asked smugly. 

Kakashi turned and pouted as he folded his arms across his chest. "They were bigger..." he mumbled. 

"Hey, do you know what time it is?" Naruto asked randomly. 

Kankuro looked at his watch. "Why yes, it's--7:30!" 

"What! You're serious!" Naruto exclaimed. "How did that happen! I mean, we started that game around noon!"

"Well I guess time flies when you're dealing with random stuff like a dude with a chicks body, hippies, homos, dirty little secrets, and rabid squirrels obsessed with world domination." Sasuke said stoically. 

_'It's already 7:30?' _Sakura thought as she glanced at the board game. _'At this rate we'll never get the game finished in time! Maybe if I just...yeah that could work. I have a 50/50 chance but it's worth a try. What's the worst that could happen?'_

TBC...

and here is where i'll end this chappy! i'll try to update soon! it should be easier since i know exactly what's gonna happen next! but then again, i'm still in softball and i'm still working on "Fervant" so that may complicate things...anyhoo, see u soon!


	5. our loveable furry friend Sakura

hello once again my wunnerful viewers and reviewers! i hope u all are enjoying the random goodness of this fic! that and my friend's videos! - anyhoo, naturally some of u are wondering what sakura could be planning. and naturally, you'll have to read to find out! moohoohahahahahaa!!

disclaimer: i wish...

**chapter 5: our loveable furry friend Sakura**

While everyone else was arguing about what to do for the situation instead of doing the intelligent thing and actually play the game to get it over with, Sakura reached for the dice and counted the paces that her figure needed to reach the end. Then without warning, she rolled the dice.

"I'm tellin you guys, it's not safe here!" Tsunade argued. "Those squirrels will find us any minute; we need to move out."

"Oh no!" Sakura cried suddenly.

"What? What is it?" Tsunade asked as she turned around.

Sakura looked at her teacher sheepishly. "Uhh..."

The group crowded around the board game to see that Sakura had already taken her turn and the words were forming in the sphere below.

_"As punishment for cheating, you'll become your animal.."_

"What does _that _mean??" Naruto asked obliviously. Tsunade looked up and gave Sakura a cross look.

"Sakura..."

She blushed. "I-I wasn't cheating! I only had twelve more steps! I figured if I purposely rolled the dice on twelve, I could finish the game."

"Yeah, that would be cheating." Tsunade retorted.

"So," Sasuke chimed in. "What does it mean by 'become your animal'?"

"I don't--"

"Sakura! Your hands!" Tsunade shouted, cutting Sakura off. She looked down and to her horror, her nails had grown into claws. She was too shocked to speak. And that wasn't even half of it.

"Oh my God, your ears!!" Naruto screamed.

Sakura's eyes widened, and slowly she reached her shaking hands up to her ears to feel that they were pointed out and, not hairy, but _furry. _Temari handed Tsunade a mirror to give to Sakura. (A/N: where did she get a mirror in the first place? and where did she keep it??)

"Oh...My...G--!!"

Sasuke quickly put his hand over her mouth to muffle her scream. But who could blame her for screaming? She now had large, pointed ears covered in white fur and clawed hands.

"Don't worry Sakura-chan," Gaara said cheerfully. "I think you look so cute! You look like a kitty!"

Hearing this, Temari got that seductive gleam in her eyes again. "Hey, ya know what? You do." She edged closer to Sakura. _"Here pussy, pussy..."_ She purred.

Sakura's eyes widened fearfully and immediately she ran behind Sasuke. (even though they were sitting down) "Please keep her away from me..." she whimpered.

"Oh, she's harmless." Sasuke whispered. "What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm afraid she's gonna rape me!" she retorted quietly.

Kakashi was just about to suggest they leave the wolf den to find a safer place to hide, but he was interrupted by the sound of the squirrel's terrifying roar. They turned to see that he and the rest of his squirrely minions were at the entrance of the den.

"RAWRRR-RAW-RAW-RAW-BLAH!! THERE!! THE PANDA HAS THE COOKIE DOUGH!!" he squeaked menacingly as he pointed to Gaara, who was sitting in one corner of the den innocently clutching the cookie dough.

"You still have that?!" Kankuro exclaimed.

"I'm _determined _to save the hobos from starvation!!" Gaara declared.

"What does _that _have to do with anything?!" Naruto yelled. "We're about to be eaten by rabid squirrels!"

"Oh, save me Tsunade!!" Kakashi screamed.

"Give me that!" Tsunade shouted as she snatched the cookie dough from Gaara.

"No, no! Don't do it!" He yelled as Kankuro held him back. Then without warning, Tsunade threw the cookie dough out of the entrance of the den with her inhuman strength. And as according to her plan, the squirrels went the opposite direction to retrieve it.

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Gaara sobbed uncontrollably.

Sasuke reached over and slapped Gaara across the face. "Get a grip man! You're the freakin Kazekage for pete's sake!" He turned around to face the rest of the group. "He'll be fine."

"So can we leave now?" Naruto piped up randomly as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.

After another hour of walking through the forest, the group decided to rest under a giant oak tree. Sakura's ears perked up when she heard the quiet snickering of Naruto and Kankuro behind her. She knew immediately that they were laughing at her large furry ears and she became unhinged.

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!" She roared in a dog-like growl. The boys shrunk back in fear when she bared her teeth to reveal that her canines had grown into fangs. Observing this, Kakashi had come to a conclusion.

"Uh guys, I don't think Sakura's a kitty.." he said as he eyed the board game. "Just look at her game piece."

Everyone looked to see that he was right; she wasn't a cat. She was turning into a--

"Wolf?! Are you kidding me?!" She whined as her ears drooped to make her look like a sad puppy.

"Aww! I always wanted a puppy!" Gaara squealed in delight as he wrapped his arms around her neck. "I'm gonna call you Cookie! In rememberance of my long lost cookie dough, wherever you may be. I'm gonna hug you, and love you--"

"Would you get off me?!" She barked, cutting him off.

Gaara shrunk back with frightened tears in his eyes. "Ehehe...Sorry."

Feeling irritated, Tsunade immediately stood up and started walking along the dirt path ahead of everyone else.

"Tsunade-sama? Where're you going?" Sakura called.

The hot-headed hokage didn't bother to look back at her student. She was the one she was irritated at anyway. Finally everyone caught up with her, with Naruto carrying the game and somehow Tsunade ended up being in the back of the group instead of front. She just didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment. But then Sakura came over beside her.

"Tsunade-sama? What's wrong?" she asked innocently.

The blonde woman furrowed her brow. "What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong! This whole day is just plain wrong!! And I'll tell you something else, for a highly intelligent shinobi, that last stunt you pulled was pretty stupid!! Who knows what that board game is planning since you cheated!!" She yelled at Sakura. "I would've expected more outta you, Sakura. Next time, why don't you think before you do anything!!" Tsunade was out of breath from yelling so much, but her angry eyes softened when she saw her student silently crying.

She sighed heavily. "Oh, Sakura I'm sorry..." she hugged her student tightly. "I didn't mean to sound so harsh, I--"

"It's not that..." Sakura sniffed as she pulled away.

"Then...what is it?"

Sakura turned and looked at the others who were staring at them with interest and blushed a little. Then she whispered something in Tsunade's ear, whose eyes widened a little with suprise.

"Oh." she said. She looked at the group and with a flick of her hand, she motioned them to turn away. As they did what she told them, she walked behind Sakura.

"Ready?"

Sakura slightly nodded her head and tightly squeezed her eyes shut. All the others heard was a hard tug and a painful cry from Sakura. Sasuke was going crazy inside his mind. He had no idea what was happening. What unspeakable torture was causing Sakura so much pain?

"Feel better?" Tsunade asked.

"Eh...kinda." Sakura answered sheepishly.

The two continued to walk ahead, but everyone else stayed in place to see that Sakura now had a long white furry tail. They all tried their best to refrain themselves from laughing, but the scene was too funny to resist. Sakura tried her best to refrain herself from killing everyone in sight because of her new animalistic behaviors, but unlike the others, she succeeded. (A/N: by the way, yes even sasuke)

_Meanwhile at the other side of the forest..._

"MOOHOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!" the evil squirrel laughed maniacally as he raised the cookie dough over his head. "With this macadamien cookie dough, the world will soon be MINE!!"

TBC...

well i hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much as i enjoyed writing it! stay tuned for more random fun in chapter six!! but until then, plz review!


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